Permission to be ordinary

I was thinking about paths again this afternoon as I walked back home from town.  (Sadly the grimy streets of central Edinburgh rather than this gorgeous green path across the hill in the west highlands).  It followed a conversation I’d had with a friend earlier today about some options they were thinking about at work.  Comparing the thing they kind of wanted to do – because it was a good fit with their lifestyle, gave them more time to think about the longer term, maintained some of the things that were important to them about work – income, contribution, a sense of purpose – with what they thought they maybe ‘should’ do.  Break free.  Run off and do something more ‘fun’.  Experiment.  Explore.  Get away from the grindstone as soon as they could.

And yet that wasn’t what she wanted.  Was just what other people thought she should do.

It made me think about the ways that we love to trap ourselves in ‘shoulds’.  People in wealthy western democracies have so many choices now, so much freedom – yet also so many expectations.  For some people it feels like the expectation to conform, to make money, to be successful, to follow a structured career path.

Yet isn’t there also a danger that the brave new world of coaches and solopreneurs and personal development gurus creates a different form of expectation, of pressure, of ‘shoulds’. 

Should lead an exciting life.  Should make my mark.  Should break free.

Real freedom is getting beyond both sets of expectations.  Allowing yourself to be normal.  Human.  Ordinary.

Giving yourself permission to do the stuff that matters to you.   Even if other people think it’s ordinary.  Mundane.  Run of the mill. 

It’s the stuff that matters to you.  Making a difference at work.  Cultivating a wild garden.  Being there for your kids.  Doing stuff for your family, not because you have to, but because you want to. 

Because that too, is what makes you who you are.