Dancing as the adventure of being alive

“… and the invitation opens up another a new metaphor: of life as a dance. Dancing as the adventure of being alive. Which brings us back to the question: will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?”

From the post: Won’t you join the dance? An invitation

Ease up on your golf swing

“I could see from reading on that the metaphor of golf for life worked on lots of levels: you always learn something new; it can be difficult, challenging, fun and rewarding. But the bit I really loved was that advice to ease up on your golf swing…”

From the post: Golfing as a metaphor for life

The path we are travelling

“But looking too hard for the one, true path can create its own problems. You can find yourself fixed on finding ‘the’ answer rather than noticing and enjoying where you are. The path that is unfolding under your feet. The trail you have left behind.

And it can leave you focused on the path that other people have created, the ‘shoulds’ of other people’s expectations, or the trails that others have blazed, rather than the path that is distinctly yours. Focused on external pointers and signs, rather than trusting your instincts and intuition to find your way.”

From the post: looking for the right path

Lessons from the art of juggling

“I know, I know, it doesn’t take Einstein to read and apply the lessons from the art of juggling as a metaphor for life. In fact, I’m constantly amazed by the relevance of each learning point for other areas of life, of work, of learning where I’ve got temporarily stuck.

The trick is deciding you’re not going to stay there. Not stopping after the first juggulation. Moving on when you’re stuck. Resolving to keep throwing the balls.”

From the post: the art of juggling – keep throwing the balls

One of the pictures that I loved the most though was this one that I found tucked away in one of the lower-ground exhibition rooms. It’s called “Happy Butterfly Day”.

What a lovely concept. It got me thinking about how nice it would be to say this to people. What kind of day we’d be celebrating.

I think for me “Happy Butterfly Day” would mean a celebration of:

• everything that was colourful and beautiful in the world

• the amazing diversity of human life

• the wider world that we live in, recognising that our actions, our butterfly wings, can make a difference (for good or ill) in other parts of the world

• people who have the courage to step out of the chrysalis

• the importance of flapping our wings and flying free

That’s what the picture, the words, the idea mean to me. What does it say to you? I’d love to know!

Happy Butterfly Day to you all.

The search for the path is a recurring theme in poetry and literature, in writings about religion and spirituality, in the world of personal development. It’s something that many people say who come to coaching for the first time – precisely because they they have lost their way.

But looking too hard for the one, true path can create its own problems. You can find yourself fixed on finding ‘the’ answer rather than noticing and enjoying where you are. The path that is unfolding under your feet. The trail you have left behind.

And it can leave you focused on the path that other people have created, the ‘shoulds’ of other people’s expectations, or the trails that others have blazed, rather than the path that is distinctly yours. Focused on external pointers and signs, rather than trusting your instincts and intuition to find your way.

Hilda Carroll reminds us today that when we are lost, when we need directions, the answer is to trust our intuition. One of the people she quotes is Alan Alda, who encourages us leave the path of what’s known and allow ourselves to be lost.

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.” ~ Alan Alda

You’ll find the same theme being developed in the wonderful ‘Monkifesto‘ that Adam Kayce at Monk At Work has just published. (The Monkifesto encourages us to apply intuition at work, but the questions would work for anyone looking for that path. It’s based on a series of short, simple statements and questions plus stunningly beautiful photography).

He asks us to:

Imagine you’re walking through a forest. You’ve got books and maps to show you where to go…
But what do you do when they fail?

The only thing we can trust is our intuition – our sense of connection, our sense of ourselves. Because sometimes (always?) there is no right path.

Which takes me back to an excerpt from ‘Entirely‘ by Louis MacNeice. Pinned up on my notice board to remind me not to get too hung up on the search for the right path.

“And if the world were black or white entirely
And all the charts were plain
Instead of a mad weir of tigerish waters
A prism of delight and pain
We might be surer where we wished to go
Or again we might be merely
Bored but in brute reality there is no
Road that is right entirely.”

No right road. Just us humans, tiptoeing our way through the mysteries of the forest.

His comment made me laugh – and startled me out of the frame that was still shaping my thoughts, even after my unpredictable career moves, development of coaching skills, insights from the world of NLP into the impact of limiting beliefs… yes even after all that one powerful metaphor still had a hold on me, namely that a career can only go one of two ways, up, or down. 

How about a new, and more resourceful frame, that frees us to make career choices based on what we love, what we’re good at, the way we want to live, the contribution we want to make, the patterns we discern about our purpose in life, rather than bumping up and down in a metaphorical elevator created by other people. 

A different narrative that frees us to discover what happens when you step out of the lift and set off on a different
path, taking a spiral staircase maybe, or a flying carpet to adventures new…

Perhaps it was something in the words that struck me, that feeling of recognition when you sense that a particular phrase has been written just with you in mind…

I could see from reading on that the metaphor of golf for life worked on lots of levels: you always learn something new; it can be difficult, challenging, fun and rewarding.  But the bit I really loved was that advice to ease up on your golf swing:

When I relax, limit the height of my back swing, and allow the club head to fall naturally in a gentle and controlled arc toward the ball, I get better distance and accuracy than I can imagine or understand.

What a lovely metaphor – and great advice whether you’re wanting to improve your golf swing or learn how to glide more effortlessly through life…

the death of a long time metaphor for creativity and innovation: the light bulb.

His argument is that the metaphor at 125 years old is now past its sell by date – and that concern for the environment means the traditional light-bulb image won’t be acceptable in the future.  He’s also laid down the challenge to all you creative thinkers and bright sparks to come up with a new metaphor for creativity. 

This is a great chance to share your ideas and creative genius with the world… or just to browse the comments and suggestions that other people are coming up with. 

Will any of them have the staying power of the light bulb though?

"Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?"

You might have recognised it as the refrain from Lewis Carroll’s Lobster Quadrille – a beautiful gentle poem, and an invitation to join the dance.

I love the idea of offering an invitation to join a different world – whether it be through coaching,  NLP, writing for self-expression or finding ways to tell a different version of your story.

It reminds me of the very famous "Invitation" written by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a poem that went flying around the world when she first wrote it.  And you can understand why – it’s a piece of writing that once read you feel compelled to pass on.   You’ll see what I mean from this short extract…

… It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive…

And the invitation opens up another a new metaphor: of life as a dance. 

Dancing as the adventure of being alive.

Which brings us back to the question: will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?

“The journey” is one of the most commonly used metaphors in coaching. And “the path” is one of the simplest, yet most powerful metaphors that we use in life. We find references to the path in the writings of some of our greatest writers, thinkers and spiritual leaders: Emerson, Thoreau, Marianne Williamson, Kahlil Gibran, the Buddha. And it is a metaphor that we can all connect with – be it the path we are on or the path we have lost. The paths we are determined to find or the paths we hope to create.

I was reminded by Robyn McMaster last week of the value of ‘naturalistic intelligence’. (Put simply: go outside and get inspiration from the natural world.) I realised when I was out walking at the weekend that following a physical path often puts me in mind of the ‘other’ path I am on. Times when I have a specific goal in mind and walk, hard and fast, to reach it. Times when the path ahead has seemed impossible, impassable. Times when I am happy to meander and see where the road takes me.

I thought of all the photos I have taken over the years: a winding path up a mountain, a narrow path through the woods, a rocky path strewn with boulders, a muddy path full of potholes that I will have to walk round or squelch through.

And thought of times when I’ve lost my way, but always found a path to follow. Even if it’s just a sheep track cutting across the moor. Or the rocky line of the shore.

Here’s a simple coaching technique to get unstuck again, using the magical power of metaphors.  Using three simple questions you can transform your view of the situation and work out what you want to do next.

All you need to do is identify a metaphor (or a few metaphors) for your situation, then ask yourself a few questions about it.  I’ll use a recent example of my own to help illustrate how it works.

Question 1: What’s my situation like?

Start by thinking about the situation, getting ‘into’ it – as you would do if you were focusing on it or preoccupied by it.  Then look at a selection of images or objects – you want to have at least 5 to look at so your unconscious mind has some rich material to choose from.  These images or objects could be:

Pictures from a magazine – something like the National Geographic is good.  You want pictures that have recognisable scenes or objects (a mountain path, a waterfall, a volcano, a train journey, a traffic jam) but not recognisable people (eg celebrities!)

Ready made metaphor cards - picture cards (over 50 in a pack) with photos of everyday objects – a key, a phone, a balloon etc.  Worth getting if you like this kind of creativity exercise or are going to use them in your work.  (I sourced mine from Cindy Tonkin.)

The objects that you see around you: just look about you and identify five to ten objects.  A photo frame.  A keyboard. A calendar.  Cobwebs (oops!).  A cat sleeping in the sun.  A tree coming into blossom.  An empty fruit bowl.  You get the idea.

Then ask yourself – from these pictures or images or objects: what’s my situation like?

Last time round I was feeling a bit stuck waiting for the final pieces to come together before launching this blogsite and new business identity.  Focusing on that stuckness I picked out a selection and came up with: a taxi, pedestrian lights, a bridge, a door and a fruit bat.   (The exercise would still work with just one.)  You can see my selection in the photo.

Question 2: How is my situation like…?

Okay, so now you’ve chosen your image(s) or your object(s).  That’s the metaphor you’ve come up with for your situation.  Now just ask yourself gently “how is my situation like …?” and jot down the first sentence or two that comes to mind.  Nothing too strenuous – and the instinctive response will be the most insightful.

In my example: how was my situation like a taxi and pedestrian lights?  Well, I had to wait – for the lights to change, for the taxi to pass.  I had to stick out my hand, to press the button, but then I just had to wait.  And how like a door or a bridge?  Well that was easy – what I was doing was going to open up new possibilities, take me new places.  So worth the wait.

Question 3: What does this tell me about what to do next?

Once you’ve done that, ask yourself what the metaphor tells you about what to do next.  Again, this is a gentle question, and just go with the first thing that comes to mind.

Using my example: I realised I just had to be patient.  I’d done what I had to do.  It was worth the wait, and now I just had to be patient.

Easy, isn’t it?  So why not give it a try – you can start now – just look at the objects and images round about you and let the magic begin…

Oh – and what about the bat – how did that fit in with my situation?

Well at first I thought it was the same metaphor – that I felt I was hanging around.  And then I wondered if it was because I start to get my best most creative writing ideas as dusk falls…or if it was that sometimes I feel as though I’m looking at the world upside down… Whatever the reason, I gave myself the same advice on what to do next.  Keep hanging in there!

Metaphors are great at communicating meaning – in particular multiple or ambiguous meanings.  Metaphors take us beyond one meaning and open up new possibilities and avenues.

Here are some great metaphors for metaphors from Joseph O’Connor’s NLP workbook:

“A metaphor is like shining a coloured spotlight on an object, making it appear to be a different colour, or like taking a piece of music and transposing it into another key while making it more elaborate.  The tune is the same but the expression is different.  A metaphor can be like a breath of fresh air in a stuffy classroom.”

Metaphors have an important role to play within coaching and NLP.  Milton Erickson – whose work had a profound influence on the development of NLP – used metaphors, stories and analogies to access a client’s unconscious resources, bypassing conscious resistance and allowing the client to make connections at a deeper level.