Resilience or the art of bouncing back

What a great set of ingredients for being resilient, for bouncing back.  And don’t you love the word – I feel more positive just saying “bouncebackability”… and for me it immediately conjures up a sense of movement, of energy, of dynamism, of springing back…

Permission to narrow your focus

But it also reminded me that picking your spot takes some courage, some conscious, explicit decision to turn your attention away from all the other things that are calling to you, that you could spend your time on, that might be fun to explore, that are worthy causes for you
to commit to.

And sometimes you need nudges, reminders, pointers, permission maybe that say: it’s okay to narrow your focus, to turn your attention away from everything else.

When it’s time to wake up

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like you’ve been sleep-walking your way through life?  I think most of us have, some time.

Times when we’ve been so caught up in our busyness we’ve forgotten what we were trying to do or where we were trying to get to.  When we’ve given so much time and energy to other people that we’ve lost sight of ourselves. Our selves.  When life starts to lose its colour, its detail, its wondrous beauty.  When we we just drift along, as if asleep

Happy Butterfly Day

I think for me “Happy Butterfly Day” would mean a celebration of:

• everything that was colourful and beautiful in the world
• the amazing diversity of human life
• the wider world that we live in, recognising that our actions,
  our butterfly wings, can make a difference (for good or ill) in other parts of the world
• people who have the courage to step out of the chrysalis
• the importance of flapping our wings and flying free

Find out who you are and do it on purpose: Part II

Find out who you are and do it on purpose – well to me that’s about starting with yourself, so the purpose stems from inside, the unique person that you are, rather than what someone else has decided for you (even indirectly, like pressure to live or think in a certain way). It also makes me smile because – for me – it captures a sense of pride in who you and going out and doing it big style, full of va va voom – which is definitely how Dolly does it

That’s what “find out who you are and do it on purpose” means to me.  It’s only one answer though.

I wonder what it means to you?

I was reminded of this the other day with a challenge from Liz Strauss to test our concepts of being time rich and time poor. It’s the link with the picture that tells the more compelling story – the one that lingers, the one that flickers through our mind to slow down when we’re moving too fast.  (You’ll have to take the test to find out which link takes you to the picture.  What do you mean you don’t have time?!)

Thought about it some more this afternoon – a most glorious early winter day in Edinburgh, when the leaves are dancing in all their faded glory.

You’d have to be moving really fast not to stop and feel thankful on a day like today.

And I did.

Slow Down

Slowed down and stopped to take some photos.  To breathe in the wonder of the day.

And I found some words to express that feeling of gratitude.  But I’m left with the lingering feeling that it’s the pictures that I took that will stay with me like the rays of winter sunlight, piercing my consciousness long after the last leaves have fallen.

How about you?  How do you express these waves of gratitude?  Is it through words, pictures, music, song?

One of the things I want to try and say is that paying attention to the world that we live in, not taking things for granted, being mindful – well that’s a key shift that will help us to do the things we need to do, say the things that we need to say, learn the things that we need to learn.

But sometimes my own words seem too small in the face of something so important.  So I thought I’d share a poem that to me is all about being mindful, being grateful for the resources that we have, paying attention to the wonders of this most amazing world that we are blessed with the chance to live in.

The Sun

Have you ever seen
anything
in your life
more wonderful

than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon

and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone–
and how it slides again

out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower

streaming upward on its heavenly
oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance–
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love–
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure

that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you

as you stand there,
empty-handed–
or have you too
turned from this world–

or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
for things?

The Sun by Mary Oliver is a contribution to Blog Action Day: a world-wide conversation on the environment.

I’ve just been paid the loveliest compliment about my writing here.  DazzlinDona has awarded me this Dazzlin Badge of Excellence for my work at Coaching Wizardry. 

Now this little old blog has been a bit neglected of late as I’ve been paying more attention to my Confident Writing site – but I know there’s good stuff here, stuff that people search for, stumble upon, read, enjoy…  and feedback like this is more than enough to keep me going.

Here’s what Donna says in giving me the award:

To me, this blog is inspiring. It inspires thoughts and emotions, choices and actions, visions and lessons. I mentioned that Attitude is a key aspect to your success, and in my opinion, you can use blogs like Coaching Wizardry to help define that attitude

She makes the point that although I’m a writing coach this site isn’t about writing as such.  I thought you might be interested in my reply to Donna – it reflects my growing realisation about how the writing work I do connects up with my coaching philosophy and some of the ideas, dreams, possibilities that I like to explore here.

You’re right, the coaching wizardry site is not about writing but is an exploration of words, stories, metaphors, pictures, movies… all the things that help us to learn, to reflect, to grow, or maybe even to wake up… I have another site that’s dedicated to writing – but oddly enough the more I write on that one too the more I realise that learning how to write, to find our voice, is also about learning how to shine, to emerge from the cocoon.

Donna signs off her posts with these words – and I’m totally delighted that she connects them in some way with what I do, and what I write.  It’s a great mantra for all of us:

You’ll never shine if you don’t glow

The words were from Douglas Adams and this is what he said:

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.

It reminded me that we often find ourselves places that we didn’t mean to go – and that’s okay.  It doesn’t mean we need to head back again – perhaps we just need to stop and enjoy the view, explore the paths that head off from here, or just accept that this is where we were ‘meant’ to get to in the first place.

I’ve been reflecting since my holiday on where I was going with my writing, coaching, and blogging.  The conclusion I’ve reached is that I want to focus on my work as a writing coach, and writing (and blogging) about writing with confidence.  I don’t think it’s possible (or sensible) to put equal effort into two different ways of writing (and coaching, learning, teaching and blogging).  You end up splitting your focus and attention, and reducing the quality of – and your enjoyment in – both.

So from here on I’m going to make the main focus of my work the Confident Writing blog.

It’s going from strength to strength (I think!) and I’d love to see you over there if you haven’t visited before.  Just click the link…

This shift in focus means writing less here, but continuing to develop it as a site:

Where I share some of my own more reflective writing. It’s a place to explore what happens when we start playing with language, and possibilities. A place to daydream. A place to share words and ideas inspired by stories, metaphors, pictures, films, music, nature, each other. The best learning comes when we share our stories together so please feel free to read, to explore, to add a comment, to explore new possibilities and conjure up new realities…

Thanks for all your support so far – I’ve learned so much from the connections that have already flowed from our exchanges here.  Although I’ll be posting less you should expect to see many of the same themes and aims as before, so I hope you’ll carry on visiting, and reading, and sharing your own thoughts, words, learning and stories.

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlear (Gloria Steinem)

I don’t know about you but the idea of unlearning is a less familiar one than learning, or relearning.  I’ve been learning about the power of unlearning this month over at Joyful Jubilant Learning, in a theme introduced and hosted by Dean Boyer.

This is the challenge that he presented us with:

Let’s not only share what we have learned but also anything we have unlearned! We all have a tendency to complicate our lives through our learning; perhaps August will be a month where we start to simplify our lives by unlearning things. As living and learning go together (Adrian Savage), unlearning and freeing go together, in my opinion. The most accomplished piano student must not only learn properly, but unlearn any limiting habit (posture, hand positioning, etc.) to fully develop into an accomplished musician.

You can see how unlearning might start to open things up.  How we can simplify our world, getting rid of things (ideas, beliefs, habits) that are no longer serving us.
How unlearning goes hand in hand with living more freely.
I decided to take up the (un)learning challenge with my first piece as a contributing author with Joyful Jubilant Learning.  It’s about unlearning the power of “shoulds” and replacing them with the language of possibility, the language of perhaps.  It begins:

“Sometimes I wonder if the word “should” is one of the most powerful barriers to learning, acceptance and growth.  Sometimes it can feel like tangleweed, wrapping itself around hopes, dreams and possibilities, stifling the life out of us with requirements and instructions and obligations.

These are powerful constraints, powerful strangleholds, and part, I think, of what we need to unlearn if we’re to flourish and thrive.”

You can check out the rest of the piece here.  There’s a wealth of other articles and thought pieces on the unlearning challenge that you might enjoy, including

Things I had to unlearn before I could get let go of my clutter, by Ariane Benefit and

Unlearning Mediocrity by April Grove

On the unlearning theme I just have to flag up some fascinating insights from Robyn McMaster at Brain Based Biz on how our minds work, challenging us to unlearn and relearn the difference between grey and white matter, and to unlearn unhelpful strategies for those of us (like me!) who are prone to over-thinking.

Well (as Robyn might say) that little  lot should really have stirred your noodle…

Coming back to Dean’s question, what could you unlearn in August to simplify your life, and life more freely?

Times when we’ve been so caught up in our busyness we’ve forgotten what we were trying to do or where we were trying to get to.  When we’ve given so much time and energy to other people that we’ve lost sight of ourselves. Our selves.  When life starts to lose its colour, its detail, its wondrous beauty.  When we we just drift along, as if asleep.

Some people stay like this.  I was gifted some words the other day (thank you Rosa) that captured this state perfectly.

“Most people, even though they don’t know it, are asleep… They never understand the loveliness and the beauty of this thing that we call human existence.” ~ Father Anthony de Mello

These words reminded me of times when I’d been asleep, reminded me how amazing it is to feel awake – but also got me thinking about how you know when it’s time to wake up.

Which took me back to this scene from The Matrix, when Neo is lying asleep, in front of his computer screen.  A message appears on the screen.  It’s simple, short, powerful, perplexing.  Explains nothing but says everything.  A classic note to self.

“Wake up Neo”.

And he does.

We don’t always know where the message has come from.  We don’t always know what it means or where it will take us.  But we can read the words on the screen, and recognise their meaning.

Wake up.

"It’s not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.” (Francis Bacon Sr)

I like the idea of learning as digestion… and then practicing, rather than professing, what we have learned.  There’s always a celebration of learning over at Joyful Jubilant Learning and Rosa (the hostess) has been encouraging us to look back at what’s been learned during July.  Spices was her hook for the learning points and she rattled through them like a gourmet chef chopping up onions…!

Sticking with the spices (with a definite curry theme – must be feeling deprived after two weeks in the highlands) here’s a quick check through of what I’ve learned in July:

Pepper: there’s been so much to learn from the comments and conversations here this month, I’m wondering if thoughtful, generous comments are like black pepper, sprinkled over our food, bringing meals to life?  This month I’ve had some amazing comments and feedback: thank you all

Cardamom: sometimes we need to split things open to find out what’s inside… Learning lessons from the art of juggling this month taught me that to keep progressing, to keep learning, we need to go ‘backwards’ from our juggulation and start dropping the balls again…

Chillies: nothing like ‘em to bring you back to life, waking up your taste buds, maybe even tears to your eyes.  I had the luxury of live music every night when I was on holiday (courtesy of the Feis an Eilein festival on Skye) and it was just amazing, reminding me time after time of the power of music to get us jigging again

Ginger: great for the circulation… I’m wondering if learning isn’t the ginger of life.  Even a little bit here and there can make us feel invigorated, curious, intrigued, inspired…. I spent the last fortnight in the company of people brought together with a love of learning.  From 16 to 76 they were using their holidays to learn about a language, music, history, a sense of culture and heritage.  And didn’t they all look good on it!  As Robyn reminds us: learning really is good for the brain

Mint: After that explosion of tastes the soothing, refreshing mint that helps us to digest it all…  This month I came across a great question that helped me to feel calm, refreshed, that soothed me and allowed me to shed some old baggage, to make sense of it all, to aid the digestion… It was this great coaching question from Nick at Life 2.0, for which, once again, many thanks:

How does the truth of who we are wish to express itself now?

Words that will stay with me well into August – and beyond.

Thanks, Rosa, for the prompt to look back at the highlights of the month that’s coming to a close.  It’s a good preparation for whatever adventures lie ahead.   And thanks to all of you that have shared in my learning this month.

If you were to do the same exercise I wonder what learning has been adding spice to your life this month?

Well, that’s me back from my two weeks on Skye. It was fabulous. More than words can say just now. I hope the picture will do.

Worth, as they say, a thousand words.

And yet that wasn’t what she wanted.  Was just what other people thought she should do.

It made me think about the ways that we love to trap ourselves in ‘shoulds’.  People in wealthy western democracies have so many choices now, so much freedom – yet also so many expectations.  For some people it feels like the expectation to conform, to make money, to be successful, to follow a structured career path.

Yet isn’t there also a danger that the brave new world of coaches and solopreneurs and personal development gurus creates a different form of expectation, of pressure, of ‘shoulds’. 

Should lead an exciting life.  Should make my mark.  Should break free.

Real freedom is getting beyond both sets of expectations.  Allowing yourself to be normal.  Human.  Ordinary.

Giving yourself permission to do the stuff that matters to you.   Even if other people think it’s ordinary.  Mundane.  Run of the mill. 

It’s the stuff that matters to you.  Making a difference at work.  Cultivating a wild garden.  Being there for your kids.  Doing stuff for your family, not because you have to, but because you want to. 

Because that too, is what makes you who you are.