Dancing as the adventure of being alive

“… and the invitation opens up another a new metaphor: of life as a dance. Dancing as the adventure of being alive. Which brings us back to the question: will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?”

From the post: Won’t you join the dance? An invitation

Ease up on your golf swing

“I could see from reading on that the metaphor of golf for life worked on lots of levels: you always learn something new; it can be difficult, challenging, fun and rewarding. But the bit I really loved was that advice to ease up on your golf swing…”

From the post: Golfing as a metaphor for life

The path we are travelling

“But looking too hard for the one, true path can create its own problems. You can find yourself fixed on finding ‘the’ answer rather than noticing and enjoying where you are. The path that is unfolding under your feet. The trail you have left behind.

And it can leave you focused on the path that other people have created, the ‘shoulds’ of other people’s expectations, or the trails that others have blazed, rather than the path that is distinctly yours. Focused on external pointers and signs, rather than trusting your instincts and intuition to find your way.”

From the post: looking for the right path

Lessons from the art of juggling

“I know, I know, it doesn’t take Einstein to read and apply the lessons from the art of juggling as a metaphor for life. In fact, I’m constantly amazed by the relevance of each learning point for other areas of life, of work, of learning where I’ve got temporarily stuck.

The trick is deciding you’re not going to stay there. Not stopping after the first juggulation. Moving on when you’re stuck. Resolving to keep throwing the balls.”

From the post: the art of juggling – keep throwing the balls

I’ve just been paid the loveliest compliment about my writing here.  DazzlinDona has awarded me this Dazzlin Badge of Excellence for my work at Coaching Wizardry. 

Now this little old blog has been a bit neglected of late as I’ve been paying more attention to my Confident Writing site – but I know there’s good stuff here, stuff that people search for, stumble upon, read, enjoy…  and feedback like this is more than enough to keep me going.

Here’s what Donna says in giving me the award:

To me, this blog is inspiring. It inspires thoughts and emotions, choices and actions, visions and lessons. I mentioned that Attitude is a key aspect to your success, and in my opinion, you can use blogs like Coaching Wizardry to help define that attitude

She makes the point that although I’m a writing coach this site isn’t about writing as such.  I thought you might be interested in my reply to Donna – it reflects my growing realisation about how the writing work I do connects up with my coaching philosophy and some of the ideas, dreams, possibilities that I like to explore here.

You’re right, the coaching wizardry site is not about writing but is an exploration of words, stories, metaphors, pictures, movies… all the things that help us to learn, to reflect, to grow, or maybe even to wake up… I have another site that’s dedicated to writing – but oddly enough the more I write on that one too the more I realise that learning how to write, to find our voice, is also about learning how to shine, to emerge from the cocoon.

Donna signs off her posts with these words – and I’m totally delighted that she connects them in some way with what I do, and what I write.  It’s a great mantra for all of us:

You’ll never shine if you don’t glow

The words were from Douglas Adams and this is what he said:

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.

It reminded me that we often find ourselves places that we didn’t mean to go – and that’s okay.  It doesn’t mean we need to head back again – perhaps we just need to stop and enjoy the view, explore the paths that head off from here, or just accept that this is where we were ‘meant’ to get to in the first place.

I’ve been reflecting since my holiday on where I was going with my writing, coaching, and blogging.  The conclusion I’ve reached is that I want to focus on my work as a writing coach, and writing (and blogging) about writing with confidence.  I don’t think it’s possible (or sensible) to put equal effort into two different ways of writing (and coaching, learning, teaching and blogging).  You end up splitting your focus and attention, and reducing the quality of – and your enjoyment in – both.

So from here on I’m going to make the main focus of my work the Confident Writing blog.

It’s going from strength to strength (I think!) and I’d love to see you over there if you haven’t visited before.  Just click the link…

This shift in focus means writing less here, but continuing to develop it as a site:

Where I share some of my own more reflective writing. It’s a place to explore what happens when we start playing with language, and possibilities. A place to daydream. A place to share words and ideas inspired by stories, metaphors, pictures, films, music, nature, each other. The best learning comes when we share our stories together so please feel free to read, to explore, to add a comment, to explore new possibilities and conjure up new realities…

Thanks for all your support so far – I’ve learned so much from the connections that have already flowed from our exchanges here.  Although I’ll be posting less you should expect to see many of the same themes and aims as before, so I hope you’ll carry on visiting, and reading, and sharing your own thoughts, words, learning and stories.

His comment made me laugh – and startled me out of the frame that was still shaping my thoughts, even after my unpredictable career moves, development of coaching skills, insights from the world of NLP into the impact of limiting beliefs… yes even after all that one powerful metaphor still had a hold on me, namely that a career can only go one of two ways, up, or down. 

How about a new, and more resourceful frame, that frees us to make career choices based on what we love, what we’re good at, the way we want to live, the contribution we want to make, the patterns we discern about our purpose in life, rather than bumping up and down in a metaphorical elevator created by other people. 

A different narrative that frees us to discover what happens when you step out of the lift and set off on a different
path, taking a spiral staircase maybe, or a flying carpet to adventures new…

He braved the hordes of time-stressed commuters at Reading Station last Monday morning, offering them the gift of an egg-timer as a reminder of the gift of time.  The message – beyond the gimmick – was to switch off and do nothing for three minutes.  To turn the egg timer over and then allow yourself just to – be.

The idea of handing out egg timers at a station is a little bizarre I know, and he had the grace to acknowledge it must have been a bit much for some people as they steeled themselves for the start of the weekly commute.  But the reactions he describes are interesting.  Some people, of course, rushed past muttering "I haven’t got time!".  Others struggled with the idea of doing nothing, even for three minutes.  One woman took the timer, breathed a deep sigh of relief, and said this was just what she had been waiting for.

It turns out the bishop was rushed off his feet for the rest of the week dealing with media enquiries, responding to interest from journalists all over the world.  The pace of modern life is not a new story but it seems we can’t get enough of it: reminding ourselves how busy we are, how desperate we are for some ‘time out’ and yet how hard it remains to stop the clock, to turn the egg-timer and still-be for a while…

If you were granted the gift of just three minutes this week – would you take it?  And what would you use it for?

“The journey” is one of the most commonly used metaphors in coaching. And “the path” is one of the simplest, yet most powerful metaphors that we use in life. We find references to the path in the writings of some of our greatest writers, thinkers and spiritual leaders: Emerson, Thoreau, Marianne Williamson, Kahlil Gibran, the Buddha. And it is a metaphor that we can all connect with – be it the path we are on or the path we have lost. The paths we are determined to find or the paths we hope to create.

I was reminded by Robyn McMaster last week of the value of ‘naturalistic intelligence’. (Put simply: go outside and get inspiration from the natural world.) I realised when I was out walking at the weekend that following a physical path often puts me in mind of the ‘other’ path I am on. Times when I have a specific goal in mind and walk, hard and fast, to reach it. Times when the path ahead has seemed impossible, impassable. Times when I am happy to meander and see where the road takes me.

I thought of all the photos I have taken over the years: a winding path up a mountain, a narrow path through the woods, a rocky path strewn with boulders, a muddy path full of potholes that I will have to walk round or squelch through.

And thought of times when I’ve lost my way, but always found a path to follow. Even if it’s just a sheep track cutting across the moor. Or the rocky line of the shore.

Not knowing which way to go next is part of the human condition.  As Mark Twain once said:

“I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life.  The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want…”

In fact a lot of people (myself included) first come to coaching precisely because they can’t see the way ahead – but do know that something needs to change.  There are a number of ways that coaching can help here:

discovering the motivation to change – what brought you to here?  how do you want things to be different?

accessing resourceful states – how do you want to feel, to live, to be? eg relaxed, confident, smiling, powerful.  These are things you can have now…

identifying possibilities and choices - there may well be options you want to pursue but are limiting because you think you “can’t”.  Hopes, dreams, aspirations and desires might become stronger once you realise what’s possible…

exploring your values – helping you to identify the things that matter, that are precious to you and that you want to express and enjoy in the future

negotiating the transition – sometimes you just need another person who is completely on your side, challenging, but non-judgemental, to walk with you through some of the toughest stretches of the most difficult periods of change. You might not know what lies ahead – but you know you need to keep on walking.

It’s one of the reasons I love coaching through stories and metaphors – it gives you the breathing space to explore possibilities in a less demanding, more creative kind of way.  You might not know what your goals are for the time-frame ahead.  But I’m guessing that you do know you want things to change.  That there’s a door you’re ready to open.  An entrance you’re ready to walk through.

A different story that’s waiting to be told.

So we dream up our own definitions…write fantastical job descriptions…find metaphors that add a touch of magic.  Here are some of my current favourites (I’ll explain what they mean to me later!)

• Training Jedis
• Electrical engineering
• Computing wizard
• Translating service

It would be great to hear from other coaches about definitions that work for you.  Do you have a favourite job title?  Could we construct some more fun definitions of coaching?  What are the metaphors that you
coach by?