I was gifted two such stories last week.  I got talking to a businesswoman and we drifted onto the subject of her family.  She told me a heart stopping story about the illness her young daughter was living with and the impact this had on their lives.  But it was a story told without self-pity, designed not to shock but simply to explain.  A tale not of sorrow but of courage and patience and love.  Laced with comic episodes and told with smiles, not tears.  I could only step back with wonder at the ability of this family, this woman, to transform a terrible experience into something positive, and good.

Later the same day I was chatting to a Big Issue vendor.  Just up from London he was keen to talk, trying to work out how best to engage with the Edinburgh shoppers.  His story was also a roller coaster affair, a reminder of how quickly life can unravel once one part of the marriage-work-home equation starts to unravel.  But this man was an optimist.  It was good to be in the fresh air of Edinburgh, selling in front of the Castle, looking across to the crags on Arthur’s Seat.  It would soon be Festival time.  He was a busker, a unicyclist, a juggler.  If he could just find the money to get his unicycle up here there was money to be made in the summer.  Always new balls to be thrown, a different tightrope to ride.

Two different faces of Edinburgh, two completely different stories.  What linked them together was the attitude of the story-tellers.  They had reframed what to most of us would be end of the world circumstances.  Chaos and catastrophe.  Things falling apart.  The end of life as we know it.  Taken that old story and transformed it into something new: a story of courage, and optimism, of persistence and love.  A belief in possibility.  Not looking back, never looking down: riding the tightrope of life.

"I am the hero of my book.  I have my dreams."

If you’d like to support their work you’ll find out more on their site – or you can sponsor their contribution to the Walk for Life event by clicking here.

Here’s a simple coaching technique to get unstuck again, using the magical power of metaphors.  Using three simple questions you can transform your view of the situation and work out what you want to do next.

All you need to do is identify a metaphor (or a few metaphors) for your situation, then ask yourself a few questions about it.  I’ll use a recent example of my own to help illustrate how it works.

Question 1: What’s my situation like?

Start by thinking about the situation, getting ‘into’ it – as you would do if you were focusing on it or preoccupied by it.  Then look at a selection of images or objects – you want to have at least 5 to look at so your unconscious mind has some rich material to choose from.  These images or objects could be:

Pictures from a magazine – something like the National Geographic is good.  You want pictures that have recognisable scenes or objects (a mountain path, a waterfall, a volcano, a train journey, a traffic jam) but not recognisable people (eg celebrities!)

Ready made metaphor cards - picture cards (over 50 in a pack) with photos of everyday objects – a key, a phone, a balloon etc.  Worth getting if you like this kind of creativity exercise or are going to use them in your work.  (I sourced mine from Cindy Tonkin.)

The objects that you see around you: just look about you and identify five to ten objects.  A photo frame.  A keyboard. A calendar.  Cobwebs (oops!).  A cat sleeping in the sun.  A tree coming into blossom.  An empty fruit bowl.  You get the idea.

Then ask yourself – from these pictures or images or objects: what’s my situation like?

Last time round I was feeling a bit stuck waiting for the final pieces to come together before launching this blogsite and new business identity.  Focusing on that stuckness I picked out a selection and came up with: a taxi, pedestrian lights, a bridge, a door and a fruit bat.   (The exercise would still work with just one.)  You can see my selection in the photo.

Question 2: How is my situation like…?

Okay, so now you’ve chosen your image(s) or your object(s).  That’s the metaphor you’ve come up with for your situation.  Now just ask yourself gently “how is my situation like …?” and jot down the first sentence or two that comes to mind.  Nothing too strenuous – and the instinctive response will be the most insightful.

In my example: how was my situation like a taxi and pedestrian lights?  Well, I had to wait – for the lights to change, for the taxi to pass.  I had to stick out my hand, to press the button, but then I just had to wait.  And how like a door or a bridge?  Well that was easy – what I was doing was going to open up new possibilities, take me new places.  So worth the wait.

Question 3: What does this tell me about what to do next?

Once you’ve done that, ask yourself what the metaphor tells you about what to do next.  Again, this is a gentle question, and just go with the first thing that comes to mind.

Using my example: I realised I just had to be patient.  I’d done what I had to do.  It was worth the wait, and now I just had to be patient.

Easy, isn’t it?  So why not give it a try – you can start now – just look at the objects and images round about you and let the magic begin…

Oh – and what about the bat – how did that fit in with my situation?

Well at first I thought it was the same metaphor – that I felt I was hanging around.  And then I wondered if it was because I start to get my best most creative writing ideas as dusk falls…or if it was that sometimes I feel as though I’m looking at the world upside down… Whatever the reason, I gave myself the same advice on what to do next.  Keep hanging in there!

“I feel less anxious as a result of the coaching.  More…in control, more satisfied, optimistic and fulfilled.  It helped me realise I already have the things that I need and want.  It wasn’t a question of identifying new goals to chase after, more about getting the balance right so I could enjoy what I already have. Coaching gave me the chance to step back and look at things differently.

For me it was like opening the shutters to flood the room with light.”

And what a beautiful metaphor to finish with.  I couldn’t ask for lovelier feedback.